Bridesmaid backs out of expensive destination wedding after entitled brides suggests selling her clothes and maxing out her credit cards to afford it: "A true friend would understand"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 22, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Bonjour, tea-spillin' ladies. Like all things, destination weddings have their pros and cons. If you and your partner are from two different countries, separated by vast distances, picking a location somewhere in between to have your special ceremony might be the best option. Many brides spent their whole lives envisioning a wedding in Paris or Italy and won't hesitate at the opportunity to make their dreams come true. Some destination weddings actually come out a little cheaper for the bride and groom than a wedding in the US, where the price of venues and catering can be astronomical. 

The thing about destination weddings is that you cannot expect that everyone will be able to come. Some people do not have the budget for plane tickets and hotel stays, and many cannot take time off of work for a vacation. This is par for the course when it comes to destination weddings, but some people still don't seem to understand that — as was the case in our story today. Get all the details by scrolling down!

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  • 01

    AITAH for Dropping Out as Bridesmaid and Declining to Attend Her Wedding 3 Months Before the Big Day?

    "I would need to max out my credit card, which I am not willing to do."
    via Oleksandr113

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    In May 2023, 1 (23F) visited my home country and found out that my friend G (24M) planned to propose to his girlfriend B (22F), whom I introduced to him.
    via u/all-things-f1
  • 03
    They began planning for a wedding in November 2024 and sent out save-the-dates for the wedding happening in April 2025 in December. The timeline seemed too short, especially for friends like me who have to travel far (one friend is coming from Germany). I've been helping with finding the color
    via u/all-things-f1
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10458109952
    via Wavebreakmedia

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    for the bridesmaid dresses and even found the perfect boutique (I already bought my dress), but after calculating the cost, I realized I couldn't afford the trip. I was ready to go above and beyond but as a part-time student with visa restrictions, I make only $375/month, and the trip would cost over $1,000. I would need to max out my credit card, which I'm not willing to do.
    via u/all-things-f1
  • 06
    I explained this to B, saying I didn't want to ask my parents for yet another large amount of money since they already cover my international student college fees, (think your tuition x3). My parents will definitely say yes to giving me the money and refuse to have me pay them back but, I feel it would be a step back to the adulthood I'm so desperately trying to have even with being a sophomore at 23 :/
    via u/all-things-f1
  • 07
    B has been insisting, suggesting I sell my clothes or throwing in my face that I have been working freelance with Gs company, and even guilt-tripping me by mentioning other friends who've already bought tickets. After countering her points with adult explanations. She's now saying that I'm not giving her enough time to process my decision, and make up for my not being there, even though some groomsmen are also unsure if they will attend.
    via u/all-things-f1
  • 08
    AESOP CARD CVV
    via 89Stocker

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Lil more info: We all come from middle-high class backgrounds where it's hard to wrap your head around not being able to afford sh. I have always been aware of other people's situations and am
    via u/all-things-f1
  • 10
    NOT in fact, rich like some of them are. Even with being middle class, I have never been air head when it comes to money because of how my parents educated me but sadly, with my childhood friends, it's not always the case. So, AITAH?
    via u/all-things-f1
  • 11
    Edit: Thank you to all of those encouraging my decision to be financially responsible. That one commenter who said "I'm proud of you" I almost cried lol, trauma much. I picked up extra hours at work and managed to get my paycheck up,
    via u/all-things-f1

  • Telling someone to sell off their personal possessions and go into debt for a wedding is not the mark of a true friend. Either that or this bride needs some time to cool off from the disappointment and react rationally.

  • 12
    significantly, and that makes me able to afford the trip better. I also asked my parents for half the money and G said he'd pay for the other half, I'll use what G gives me to pay my parents back though, and take half of the burden myself. Both B and G apologized and we're all excited to see eachother again!
    via u/all-things-f1
  • 13
    JBar63 NTA - I agree with another comment...if B wants you there bad enough, she can put up the money. If she says she can't afford it, tell her she can sell some of her clothes.
    via u/JBar63
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10458110464
    via Africa Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    cats-they-walk When I told my good friend that I couldn't be in her wedding because I was fresh out of school with a demanding new job and very little money, she said, "I'm sad, but I understand." There is no other appropriate response.
    via u/cats-they-walk

  • A wedding is just an event to celebrate a marriage. The two friends can celebrate the union together at a later date. There is no need for this level of guilt-tripping!

  • 16
    Ok-Dealer5915 Except for maybe "ok, I'll pay for you coz I want you there" It's less likely, but happens occasionally
    via u/Ok-Dealer5915
  • 17
    cats-they-walk Honestly that response would stress me out so much. Like OP, I very much wanted to be independent and make my own way - someone offering to float me would not have made me happy, and then I would have had to convince them to let me not participate. No thank you.
    via u/cats-they-walk
  • 18
    GT_Anime_16 True friends should understand your financial situation. Not everyone should go into debts to attend any party
    via u/GT_Anime_16
  • 19
    Scarlet Darkstar Tell the happy couple that of your presence is that important to them, they can send you the $1000 and you will make the arrangements to be there.
    via u/ScarletDarkstar
  • 20
    rjtnrva An invitation is just that, an INVITATION. It's not a subpoena or commandment. NTA
    via u/rjtnrva
  • 21
    Elegant Position 9370 I think you're over-explaining. Mentioning your parents and everything else is a good way to make the disagreement about something else. Read about personal boundaries. In the meantime, say, "I love you, I wish I could be there, but I really can't. I've said this several times now, and I know you don't like the answer, but it's the only answer I can give."
    via u/Elegant_Position 9370
  • 22
    WeAreAllMycelium NTA, no is a complete sentence with these folks.
    via u/WeAreAllMycelium
  • 23
    Jaded_Ad_7416 NTA, but 5 months notice for a wedding seems reasonable. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.
    via u/Jaded_Ad_7416
  • 24
    Interesting_Cut_7591 NTA. And good for you for making adult decisions!! Also, just want to add, when my husband and I had a destination wedding, we knew a lot of people wouldn't be able to come. There was one friend that we really wanted there and he wasn't in a great place financially, so we happily paid for him. If they want you there, then THEY can sell some things to make it happen.
    via u/Interesting_Cut_7591
  • 25
    DrKiddman Just don't go. Don't be guilt tripped into asking your parents for the money.
    via u/DrKiddman

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friendship wedding drama bridesmaids toxic reddit story relationships wedding couples love entitled reddit thread red flag Reddit relationship drama dating Maid Of Honor
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